• Laura Curta

Moving on in 2 steps

I came to understand that while learning about feelings and how to deal with them, many are confused when it comes to feeling the way I "used to feel"- be them coaches or people who are coached.

I want to share my take on this: when you start learning more about personal development, responsibility and the working of your mind it is so easy to fall into the trap of believing that once you know better there should be no place anymore for negative feelings, limiting beliefs, bad habits or self-doubt and criticism.

Thank heavens that now we can talk freely about our feelings and discuss such matters- otherwise, I would have gone crazy putting myself down for spending so much time learning, knowing better and still feeling down from time to time!

So I concluded: it is not humanly possible not to feel a thing, not to be stormed over by your emotions and feelings now and then, not to doubt yourself or be scared of the future (unless you are some sort of robot- in this case... skip this post).

It is ok to read A. Ellis, D. Carnegie, T. Robbins, listen to podcasts and learn life coaching, CBT, NLP and still, feel anger, despair, anxiety, you name it. The bottom line is that we all need and have to live some drama.

Moreover, do you know when drama comes? When things change, and plans do not go according to The plan! Especially when change is unexpected, watch out for high waves! How do you deal with change? When changes happen in our life, we feel the least in control, and that makes room for all king of emotions. We always learn and change and transition from one phase of life to the other, from one civil status to another, from one social position to another. The only constant in life is change.

Change comes with challenges, surprises and tests (how easy life would be if the change would just come and puff, everything would be "normal"!). It took me a year and a half to accept the change which happened in my life when I moved to another country and it took a looooong time to accommodate, even though I had a whole tribe cheering for me! 18 months! And it wasn't without drama.

So, I introduce you to the two steps "Dealing with transition" process for the Drama Queen and the Drama King in you (you will need: a watch, a safe place and optional: a crown -the queen and king in you would love it, a trustworthy person, something to write/ unload your thoughts on):

  • Is change overwhelming? Find a place where you can be you, (maybe bring someone kind with you?), put on the crown and let yourself feel everything there's to feel- be a drama queen/king for 10 min. Still, do not forget: after a storm always comes good weather.

  • Put yourself together and start looking for solutions (put on paper your thoughts, write down your plans- it might help and aids the brain in processing the information). Wishing for the past to come back, for different present and demanding better treatment from life never solved problems (what do you think about this?- it's true in my case). Now your circumstances have changed, the world has changed, there's new territory to explore and so much more to learn and gain- pick yourself up and move on- do the best you can, ask for help, seek to understand and look for opportunities to shine your light.

That's it. :)

Long story short: it's ok to learn about feelings and be sometimes swept by them- because you learn About them not how to become a robot (two different courses)- the key is to control them, to know how to identify them, understand what they mean and how to refocus your attention on what you can do, on what you can control, on what is of use to you and serves you well. And all of this while being on a ship in the middle of a stormy sea.

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