5 reasons why you might lack confidence
After I had a few successful workshops, my mom complimented me and told me: "I wish
I had your confidence at your age!"
And it rang very familiarly because that's what I used to say when I started building my business. I bet that it is familiar to you, too: if only you'd have the confidence of X, you'd go for the Moon!
The confidence you see now (in me or anyone you see as confident) results from a lot of doing.
If I had waited until I was ready to run a business, speak in front of people and sell my services, I would have waited a long time. Loooooooong time.
The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later.
And this is how life goes:
You have to cook a few times to become decently good at it.
You have to practice a few times to dance well.
You have to read a few books and write a few essays to know a subject better.
I get that you might think that confidence is something you have or you don't. Like a rare gift bestowed by Gods on some lucky ones.
Social media, the news and the people you meet show you the bright side of themselves. We, as a society, rarely speak about our 10+ job applications that were rejected, 100+ hours of trial and error before we nailed the amazing work routine we have now, the many weekly talks we had with the psychologist or the evenings when we stared in the void wondering when good things will turn up for us. And the list can go on...
What we see now is a person with a fantastic job and salary, productive men and women, confident human beings, always-in-a-happy-mood people.
Long story short: confidence is a skill.
And even better: confidence is not something you lack in totality. If you look carefully, in some areas of your life and in some situations, you are very confident... but you take it for granted.
Why the lack of confidence, then?
Confidence seems to pretend that it doesn't know you because:
- you are afraid and distracted by fear
- you set sky-high expectations (hi, perfectionism!)
- you judge yourself harshly (hello, there, inner-critic!)
- you lack some skills
- you lack experience
Who's the suspect for your lack of confidence?
For me, it's a lack of skills and experience. I am a jolly, enthusiastic woman with a massive appetite for knowledge and terribly lacking patience. I want to know everything about whatever makes me excited and, if possible, yesterday!
But no matter what fits you from the list above, the good news is that you can work on it!
And you already did the first step! Any solution starts with acknowledging there's a challenge!
Now you know what holds you back!
What can be the first, smallest and easiest-to-take step to help you do what matters and gain confidence in yourself?